Islamic Pearls

Parenting with Love & Logic; one parenting book I highly recommend to parents who are looking for parenting books to read. One of the core concept of parenting with love and logic is that you let consequences be the teacher for your children.

I grew tired of being a walking, nagging, and yelling organizer.

“Your chores!”

“I see dirty clothes on the floor.” (What is called ‘Describing’ in How to talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen to Kids Will Talk ; another parenting book that is on my highly recommended list)

“Of course, sometimes it works when I have the patience. When I don’t, that’s when curt short descriptions turn into,

“I reminded you so many times. I’m tired. How many times do I have to remind you?!”

Heeding the advice given in Parenting with Love & Logic, I enforced a new rule: for every item of clothing I had to pick up, it will cost the owner 10 cents. I saw quite a significant decrease in the amount of dirty laundry lying on the floor, but of course, there are some that still remain.

So I say,

“Hmm…am I gonna make some money today?”

Immediately I hear busy feet hitting the stairs trying to get to it first before I could pick it up.

Then there is the schedule. Shower in the morning, lunch at 12, chores after lunch, Zuhr. Despite living it everyday, my children seem to defy this schedule. So to avoid turning into a yelling wreck the next day, I go over what they are supposed to do the next day the night before. Logic tells you not to expect perfection from children, but exhaustion tells you,

“They’d better do it or else!”

The next day, I am still reminding them of their chores, some once, some twice and thrice, and with each reminder, my calm exterior is stripped down.

Problem-solving time: I am to charge them for having to remind them to do their chores. Their ‘bill’ will come at the end of the week where payment is due. It should be easy, right? Remind, charge. Remind, charge.

Yet, I still find myself getting agitated. Why won’t they save themselves? They have the opportunity to save themselves some money!

As I was dealing with this parenting woe, I overheard a part of the Al Huda Online class my eleven year old is currently taking.

It struck me.

Read this dua ten times in the morning and ten times in the evening and you are raised ten status.
Bad intention not carried out is not written as a bad deed.
Good intention not carried out is written as a good intention.
Follow a bad deed with a good deed and wipe away the bad deed.
Utter a simple Subhanallah wabihamdih subhanallahil adhim and you can make your mizaan heavy.
Read surah al Mulk each night and you will be spared punishment in the grave.
And the list goes on.

“Allah wants good for us.”

That’s what the instructor said, and I could imagine two synapses clicking together, emitting a bright light akin to the ‘Aha!’ light bulb.

Just as I, a parent, gives so many chances for my children to rectify their behavior, and at seeing no changes, reminds them so they would not have to suffer the consequences, Allah gives us so many opportunities for us to redeem ourselves and lays out reminders for us all over, through people, inanimate creations, animals, the Quran, etc.

The most generous a video/computer game would maybe give the player nine lives so the he could go up the levels. But Allah has provided us with innumerable opportunities to ascend that ladder so we could attain good for ourselves. And all this for all the disobedience and sins we keep committing innumerable times on a daily basis?

Ya Allah ! Ya Rahmaan, Ya Raheem.

May we take advantage of these opportunities and reminders while we still can.

No wonder Allah puts the command to obey parents right after the command to worship Him. A lot of what parents do for their children out of mercy and love run parallel to what Allah does for his creations, except Allah ’s love and mercy could never be matched by any of His creation’s.

So, I will learn to shut my mouth, contain my growing irritation, let the consequences teach my children, try to be more aware of the many opportunities Allah has given me to redeem myself, and take full advantage of them. Inshaallah.

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